DINOCROC VS. SUPERGATOR

Ok, I admit it: I was looking forward to this one. Seems like all the SYFY channel “biotech gone berserk” movies that had previously been released on DVD had previews for this one on the discs.

Was it worth the wait? Yes. And no. As I also expected, it was very formulaic. This, I’m guessing, is probably one of the legacies of SYFY channel’s former honcho, Bonnie Hammer. I’ve never quite forgiven Hammer for yanking “Mystery Science Theater 3000” off the air. Hopefully she’s now working at Winchell’s Donuts – at the drive-thru window. Graveyard shift. Yelling at bums who pee on the side of the building. Whatever.

Jay Andrews directed this one. Someone needs to tell Jay that if you have one main bad guy in this movie, then said bad guy needs to have a spectacular and ironic death, especially since he’s the one responsible for these lab experiments gone wrong. It’s called “gratifying the audience”. Jay misses the boat here.

David Carradine plays the main corporate villain in this epic. A far cry from his likeable guy image as Kwai Chang Caine in “Kung Fu”.

His role in DINOCROC VS. SUPERGATOR turns out to be one of his last ones. At least he sort of makes it through the picture, so Carradine’s alleged “auto-erotic asphyxiation” kink hadn’t yet killed him. Guess we now can pretty well figure what he was doing back at the hotel during his off-camera hours, eh?

Standard body count for a film of this type, including a couple of bikini-clad beauties. Would have added a humorous flair if the croc had spit out one of the bikini tops and used it to floss with. Probably would have got a ringing endorsement from the American Dental Association.

The one real surprise is that Roger Corman does NOT have a walk-on part here. He does, however, provide commentary, along with Jay Andrews, on a separate track.

I hardly ever listen to commentary tracks on movies of this type; I figure I already have a handle on “what the director meant” in his handling of certain scenes. Really not a lot of subtext to read into when the camera shows the croc munching a girl’s legs off. It’s not Cocteau or Bergman we’re watching here – it’s just another assembly line SYFY channel movie, so I have to say “no thanks” to what the “Peanut Gallery” has to chime in with.

ALPOCALYPSE

"Weird Al" Yankovic has just released his newest CD, "Alpocalypse". Nice to see he's still out there and doin' it nearly thirty years after he first hit it big. In fact, he's lasted in popularity much longer than a lot of the bands and singers he's parodied over the decades.

When I discovered Al in 1983, I was young enough then to know and understand which songs he was parodying. Now, I'm afraid that the parade must have passed me by - it would explain all these peanut shells on the ground - because other than "Perform This Way" (Al's parody of Lady Gaga's "Born This Way"), I'm lost as to the other parody songs. However, in this case, it really doesn't matter. Al makes 'em all funny.

I bought this CD just last week at Wal-Mart. There are two versions on the market now - one is JUST the CD, the other being CD and DVD. The CD/DVD combo really IS the one to get. It'll cost about 3 bucks more, but trust me, it will be worth it.

The DVD does not contain every song on ALPOCALYPSE. The first video, CNR, is a tribute to the late Charles Nelson Reilly; the animation (all videos are animated or partially animated on the DVD) on CNR is done "South Park" style. Very funny, actually. So, too, is the fact that Charles is portrayed as an ass-kicking dude in the video.

Another video, CRAIG'S LIST, is not identified as a parody, but if you're an older fella like me, the music may bring to mind The Doors song, SOUL KITCHEN. Al certainly is decked out here like Jim Morrison.

The DVD runs in the neighborhood of 40 minutes, give or take.

The CD's contents are as follows:

Perform This Way
CNR
TMZ
Skipper Dan
Polka Face
Craig's List
Party in the CIA
Ringtone
Another Tattoo
If That Isn't Love
Whatever You Like
Stop Forwarding That Crap to Me.

STOP FORWARDING THAT CRAP TO ME really hits home because we've all experienced exactly what Al is singing about in this song. This one is the crown jewel on the CD, although there are some that come a close second.

So thanks, Al, for doing what you do. Hope you'll keep 'em coming.

O. J. SIMPSON - COMIC BOOK HERO?

While doing some scanning of my old comic books, I ran across this ad. I don’t normally scan the ads, but this one was just too good to pass up.

The irony here is that he should have been doing ads for Bruno Magli shoes….